I Shouldn’t Be Here
72 x 60 in., oil on canvas
2018
This work captures a candid moment observed by the artist of her husband contemplating choices at a plant nursery for their garden. In his gentle touch, the reality of what strength and masculinity can look like becomes vividly clear. The scene exists in opposition not only to strict ideas of gender but also to the figure’s own personal struggle with his ongoing existence as a cancer survivor. The marital relationship between the artist and her husband is shown through the notion of shared assets ‒ the figure’s yellow skin is the color typically cast onto the artist’s Asian identity.
I Shouldn’t Be Here Ⅱ
72 x 48 in., oil on canvas
2018
In this piece, the artist captures her husband’s sudden exuberance upon seeing flowers along a path. His animated display of hysterical wonder stands contrary to the idea that men shouldn’t show strong positive emotions. Placed in relation to “I Shouldn’t Be Here”, the pair of works begin to offer a broader view of masculinity. The second figure in the composition is the other person on the path, the unseen viewer. This is where the artist stands, looking beyond to the unknown path. She at once commits to the journey ahead while acknowledging the lack of Asian American women represented in her chosen life path.